The Open Chair Project

January 19, 2019 – Sitting here tonight and I want to plan out how the next days will go. Had a slight panick attach today and I know for sure there is still some deep mess going on that has control over me. I have the deisire to give it all to God, but I guess I don’t have the power to do it. That seems really silly to say when I know I can do ALL THINGS through Christ whom my strength comes from.

“I have the desire to give it all to God, but…”

2022 – I was trying to find a note I had written a while ago, that was on my mind hard the last few days. In large letters, at the top of a page – in one of my journals that I cannot find – I AM THE MANAGER is written. – maybe I will find it when I’m supposed to and I will write something else later.

As I was searching and I stopped on the Jan 19, 2019 journal post and it struck some inspiration into this same subject – but a slightly different twist. I am old enough to understand when this happens, I pay better attention.

As a profession, I am a Manager, but I am not the owner. I do make key decisions, but only because I know what the owner wants me to decide. If I can apply this to my personal life, it translates to me being the manager of my life – but not the owner. I have given my life to the One whom paid a great price for it. How I manage it, well that is up to me. I am a decision maker – what I will wear, what I will eat, how I will manage my finances, what will I consume with my eyes, ears, and mind…

I am the manager, I’m not a victim, not the owner, not a worrier…only the manager. I have been given this one life. I have been given this life by God to do great things for His Name.

If I could write to the person I was in 2019, I would say. Quit making this so hard. It is as simple as a decision.

Soul Print Author Mark Batterson wrote, “I don’t know what difficulties you’ve endured, but they don’t have to define you if you simply let them refine you.”

When I finally…I mean REALLY realized that the purpose of my living is to bring honor to God – to allow Him to prepare me for eterninty – that’s when it ALL started to make perfect sense.

2 Corinithians 3:18 NASB But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Over the last several months there has been a strong tug for me to share my story. I really didn’t know exactly what I was supposed to share. How far I am to go. How real will I get. Afterall, some of you that may be reading this – are complete stangers to me. And some of you – well, you may know me and want to be nosy. These two thoughts have kept my fingers from the keyboard. My fear of someone thinking that I’m playing victim or victor. My shame – even though it’s all covered by Jesus – still raises it’s ugly head and pushes the days through with no action.

A few weeks ago, I opened a journal that I had written in 2014, it still had several blank pages. I was in church and had grabbed something to write notes from the sermon…and this was the notebook. (when you move, several things get unearthed) The ribbon held the place, so I opened right there. This is the paragraph I read. “You are someone else’s miracle, of that I’m sure.” It was another prompting for me. That has been exactly 2 weeks, 2 days, and 8 hours ago.

It is so hard not to share with other what God has done for me. How He has been faithful to me all my days. His faithfulness is more than my mind can hold. His mercy brings me to my knees. His Grace wraps me with Peace. He has done all these things for me and I know He loves you just the same.